As I sit and wait for my final round to start, which it seems to be taking forever, I've thought a lot about what I've been through since January and what the Chemo treatments have been like. I have become so used to the routine when I go in for treatment that I know how each drug affects me and what I will be feeling like during treatment. For example, I know that I usually feel OK until day 3 of Chemo and then the blahs start to set in, the taste buds go, then the stomach problems start, the headaches and so on. So I decided to start a Top 10 List on...
Why Chemo Sucks!
- Being attached to an IV pole for 4 or 5 days and carting it everywhere I go.
- The beeping of the IV system when the chemo or saline runs out or if the line is twisted and it always seems to happen when I want to sleep.
- Interruptions by the staff when I want to sleep or at 4:00 in the morning when they need to draw blood, weigh me, etc. (I know it's there job, but I just want to sleep)
- Chemo Brain - I forget the easiest things or it will take me a minute to find the right word when talking, or sometimes I use the wrong word - like telling the dog to quit jumping on me and I said "Pass" instead of "Down" (Mark won't let me live that one down). Of course some people say I had this problem before cancer.
- Chemo Gas - you don't want to know!!!!
- The very limited channel selections on the hospital TV, I think I've seen Rambo 6 times on my different stays in the hospital. So a lot of court shows, Friends and Everybody Loves Raymond gets watched.
- The hospital food, seriously I don't know how they come up with some of the menu items, just the smell of it makes me nauseous at times.
- Feeling run down - like you have the flu for 10 days. Just walking up the stairs will wear me out.
- Losing my hair - although it's not as bad as I thought it would be, plus I got some cool scarves.
- Missing my family, it's hard to be away from them, just being able to peek in on the kids when they are sleeping is something that I take such joy in now. Plus all the hugs and love I get from them when I'm home. Mark comes to visit me every night but when he leaves I get lonely and have to look forward to the next time I see him.
Even though I have been through a lot this year and my body feels run down I also think I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Mark and I have a stronger relationship than ever, my kids and I have never been closer and I take so much joy in them and everything they do. I have a stronger relationship with God, actually the whole family does, it is amazing how just having a conversation with God makes me feel better. I cherish my family and friends now more than ever, they have done so much for me and my family, from the donations, food, gifts, prayers, and words of encouragement, there is no way I will be able to repay everyone - so please know how much it is appreciated. Also, I feel like I'm more patient with things, you kind of have to be when you're a cancer patient because nothing moves at the pace you want it to. My hope at the end of this journey is to come out as a better person and be able to give to others like what I have received. I hope to volunteer at the Cancer Institute and help cancer patients in any way I can even if it's just visiting them to say Hello!
Thanks to everyone who has been there for me and my family. We are forever indebted to you and so grateful to have such wonderful family and friends.
Love,
Tammy
